The Struggle Is Real

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Jesus wasn’t afraid of loving people that were different than him.  He wasn’t afraid of loving difficult people.  In John 4 we see Jesus talking to the women at the well.  Firstly, the fact he is talking to a woman breaks social code and is out of the box.  This woman has had 5 husbands and is living with a man she is not married to – also not the usual.  And however, she ended up with having 6 relationships in her life – whether they died, or she was divorced or whatever – things are not good.  She would have had a reputation and that fact that she was gathering water at the well at noon, at the height of the sun, avoiding all the other women and the social opportunities that happened when they gathered water in the cool of the early morning shows that she is isolated, rejected and struggling.  Yet Jesus didn’t put her down or reject her.  He talked to her.  He was real with her.  He had compassion on her.  Did you know that she is the very first person that Jesus revealed “his secret identity” Messiah, Saviour of the world to?

In Luke 19 Jesus meets Zacchaeus.  He looked up into the tree and saw him, really saw him, saw his worth and his value as a human being and was unafraid to begin a friendship with this man who was in the most despised profession and had implied unethical practices.  When Zacchaeus has his massive turn around moment, when he gives up his lifestyle and job, it wasn’t in response to anything specific Jesus had said.  Jesus hadn’t sat him down and gone, dude, you’re corrupt, you’re immoral, you’re wrong – Jesus ate with him, hung out with him, demonstrated grace and care and even in that tension of how Zacchaeus lived, change came because of this friendship. 

We see Jesus modelling the belong, believe, become flow of connection, we be with Jesus, become like Jesus and do the things that Jesus did.

Then there is mary madaglane a woman that used to be a prostitute that was the first person to see Jesus resurrected and given the call to go and tell the disciples the good news.  The first thing we learn about Mary from the Bible is that she used to have 7 demons.  That’s messy.

We don’t need to look any further than his disciples, his chosen apprentices, to see that Jesus wasn’t afraid of loving difficult people.  James and John were called the sons of thunder because they had anger issues, peter denied even knowing Jesus 3 times, judas was stealing from the kitty and spoiler alert, betrayed Jesus and had him arrested and then killed. 

Looking back into the OT we can see the struggle is real there too.  The first family have the most intense sibling rivalry that ends up with the first murder.  You’ve got Joseph’s brothers who faked his death and sold him into slavery.  You’ve got some bad parenting and R18 issues in David’s family at every level.   Even Abraham and Isaac didn’t have it together, Jacob lived up to his name meaning of deceiver – cheating his brother out of his inheritance and then having some serious marriage issues with both his wives and father in law.  Moses was a murderer, Lot’s daughters awkward and tmi, Samson was a jerk and womanizer with serious relationship mistrust issues.  I could go on.  Who needs reality tv when you’ve got the bible right?

That gives me great hope and confidence.  God is fully aware of the struggle in friendships, marriages, families, workplaces, humanity.  The struggle is SO real and God knows all about it and has wisdom and grace to offer us to navigate whatever we face in our lives

Whether it is sibling rivalry, marriage breakdowns, conflict and communication breakdowns, friendship fallouts, disagreements, lifestyle choices, heartbreak – whatever we could struggle with, God is with us and at work and offers real answers, to real problems, for real people because he is a real God.

In every question, in every struggle, in every issue is there a formula or a pattern we can follow that will help us navigate it well?

The Message version of Romans 12:1-2 nails it. 

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.  Don’t conform and follow the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  MSG

1. We follow Jesus

Our life is filtered through what He says and how He lived.   A few months ago at RY we did a tough questions panel night, not a regular panel night but a tough questions version.  Can I date a someone who isn’t a Christian? How do we deal with anxiety?  How do we help our friends who have suicidal thoughts?  Can I have gay friends?  What if I have same sex attraction feelings?    The big question of the night – that I think shifted the conversation – was why does God get to define my life?  What right does God have to say live like this?   God isn’t stamping His feet saying because I said so, though a valid point, He’s not in heaven saying my universe my rules, also valid point, but it comes down to the reality that God is God and good and great and wise and the creator and all powerful and outside time and loving.  God gets to define my life because He created me and knows me inside out upside down, He knows the plans He has for me to bless me and give me a future and a hope, He designed relationships and in all His ways He is perfect and just and righteous.    And to prove it all Jesus, the son of God, fully man, fully God, came and stretched out His arms on the cross to say I love you this much.   Part of being a Christian is to recognize that my ways – if left to my own devices – can be destructive and selfish, whereas Jesus calls us to lay down our life, to love others as we love ourself, to serve, to give, to forgive, to bless.  Because we follow Jesus we live differently.

It feels like the church should be the place where the people have the best marriages, best families, best relationships, best friendships… but sometimes we so fall down on this because we’re human.  Knowing God and being a Christian isn’t a get out of jail free card or an escape clause for difficulty and struggle in our lives and relationships.  The difference however between us and those in the world is that we have the Holy Spirit who is intentionally and actively at work to transform us and make us more loving, kind, patient, self controlled, gentle, etc.  Technically that should mean that as we listen to the Holy Spirit, as we surrender to his work, as we pray and know God and allow him to shape us that we should have better relationships, better parenting skills, better friendships, better everything.   I think the trap is we think THAT will be easy.  Yeah I’ve got the Holy Spirit, God lives in me, I’m transformed and so I must be amazing and I must have it all together and I must be so awesome and it’s all going to be soooo easy.  Love will just flow out of me.  Grace just oozes out of my pores.  I’m so wise that people just will be in awe of me.  Reality check.  We are all human.  On a journey of becoming.  As we be with Jesus, and become more like Jesus and do the things that Jesus did, yes we get better at relationships and loving people and serving people, but it’s not going to be easy.  It’s going to take sacrifice.  It’s going to be painful and awkward.   The number one thing is that we love Jesus and want to follow Jesus and love other people.   This changes how we do life.  This changes how we do relationships.  This changes everything.

2.  The big picture. 

What is our mission? 

2 Corinthians 5:18-20 says “God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

God says tag you’re it, you’re on mission.  Your mission is to be Christ’s ambassador as if God was making His direct appeal to someone to come to Jesus through us. 

Every single person we come across in our life is someone that God loves and that Jesus died for.  All men and women are made in the image of God.  For this reason they are worthy of love and dignity and grace.  

The church is not a social club where we all look alike. The church is a hospital in which we are all being made well and whole.  This happens first and last through the power of the Holy Spirit. But how will anyone be healed if they are not welcomed, accepted, embraced, served, hugged, enjoyed, and championed where they are at, at their lowest, at their point of need?  I read a great quote from Preston Sprinkle – he said “need to go beyond the clichéd “love the sinner and hate the sin” message. We need to “love the sinner and hate our own sin,” and invite the world to do the same.”

Despite our vast differences in worldview, behaviour and character, God calls me to love my neighbor, to feed my enemy, to do good to those who hate me, and gently have an answer for what I believe.  

Followers of Jesus can’t quote enough Bible verses to force someone to believe in Jesus or even change their life.  What we can do is represent Jesus by showing love, respect, and empathy, all covered with equal parts truth and grace.

At the end of the day, the point of loving people we disagree with, the people who are difficult and different is to show them who God is and to see them know that God is real. Because if we, as followers of Jesus, want people to know our Savior and Lord the way we do, that’s where we have to start. Let’s represent Jesus well so that others want to know Him. And when they do, the Holy Spirit is quite capable of leading them to adjust any viewpoints that are inconsistent with His truth. 

What does it matter if we win the battle but lose the war?  If we win the argument but lose a soul for all eternity?

It’s easy to say that but if that battle is the mess and fallout of character flaws, bullying, constant conflict, rejection, lifestyle choices, addiction, broken relationships and families or whatever, if the battle brings pain, damage, discomfort and uncomfortable circumstances then sometimes we want to wave the white flag and say I give up.  Stop the bus I want to get off. 

There’s nothing Christian about demeaning or dehumanizing those with whom we disagree. Even if our convictions are right, Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13 that words spoken without love are brash, unwelcomed noise.

I also want to say here that loving someone doesn’t mean staying in an unsafe situation, be it at home or in a workplace.    If you are in an unsafe relationship its important to get help and sometimes that means stepping out of the home or relationship so that you are safe.  Abuse of any kind is not okay and love doesn’t mean we have to accept dangerous situations or behaviour.  Talk to someone.  Talk to a professional.  Get help. 

Also while we’re putting things out there it is okay to have Jesus and a therapist too.  It’s okay to believe that God gives us peace and to see a counselor about anxiety.  It’s okay to believe that God has called you to marry someone and have a marriage therapist too.  They can give us tools and strategies to empower us to navigate difficult seasons and are a gift that God has given the world.    If you do need to begin a journey to get mental health help you can start with texting 1737.  1737 is a free service for New Zealanders feeling down, anxious, a overwhelmed or just need to chat to someone to begin the process of getting support for your mental health. You text 1737 24 hours a day 7 days a week and be connected to a professional.

3.   Love

What does real love look like? 

It’s amazing how our eyes can gloss over something we’ve read many times.  I know I’m totally guilty of this, if its highlighted in my bible then something in my brain says oh yes, I know this one, glazed over, skip to the next verse.

So I want us all to pay attention to what God says love is.

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].8 Love never fails [it never fades nor ends].

Jesus shows us what love is when He forgives the woman caught in adultery , when he touches the lepers, when he knows Zacchaeus’s name, when He didn’t sit down with Zaccheaus and give him the talk about corruption and how wrong he was, when he has breakfast with peter who denied him, when he revealed he was Messiah to the woman at the well, when he gave dignity to a prostitute, when he chose to reveal he was resurrected first to mary madaglane a woman who followed jesus who had had 7 demons cast out of her, let judas manage the money bag, and when he demonstrated his love for all of us that while we were still sinners and rebels he died on the cross for us to make the way for us to have peace with God in this life and for all eternity.

Love isn’t a feeling.  It’s not an idealistic fluffy rainbows and roses good time only emotion.  It’s a choice.  It’s action. 

Love with action could look like listening instead of lecturing.   

It’s serving even when you don’t feel like it.

It’s grace instead of judgement. 

Its processing in private before speaking without thought and when we do speak it’s to lift people up not criticize and pull them down.  

Reconciliation not cancellation. 

Respect instead of rejection. 

It’s praying first, inviting God to speak to us first, to work in us first, to change us first. 

It’s forgiving and moving past the offence, letting go and not holding it against someone.  Forgiving doesn’t mean that we have to invite those people who have hurt us back into our lives or into the inner parts of our heart – it means we forgive, we give them to God and we move on and carry on living and loving well. 

4.  Pray for wisdom

When it comes to answering a specific question like what should I do with my moody teenagers who are addicted to social media, or my stressed out boss or should I go to my brothers gay wedding – these are the questions that need God’s grace and wisdom.   The good news is we can ask for that wisdom from the direct source.

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James 1:5 says that 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

We can ask and God will show us the right step, the right words, the right way to love.  That will look different for every family, every person, every situation. 

Wisdom comes as we spend time in His Word, allowing His Words to transform us – remember Romans 12:2 – not being conformed to the pattern of this world but transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Renewing of your mind is MORE than just reading the bible.  Reading the bible is part of the process but anyone can pick up this book and read the words and come away unaffected and unchanged.  The difference is when we begin to let the words of God challenge us, encourage us, give us wisdom, strengthen us, change us. As a brand new Christian – as a moody teenager at odds with my parents I distinctly remember reading honour your mother and father and thinking words that would need beeped out.  I stormed round to my youth leaders house and asked her bluntly, do I have to do this?  Yup she said. 

Renewing the mind requires pausing to think about our thinking, evaluating it in light of God’s Word, turning from wrong thinking, and setting our thoughts on God and His truth. It’s when we be with jesus, become like jesus and do the things jesus did.  

Wisdom is also found in having good people in your life who can speak into where you’re at and what is going on.  People you will ask advice for and who will speak the truth to you.  

Wisdom can look like upskilling through podcasts and books and reading articles and things.  Investing in our marriage and parenting by taking the time to learn and unlearning unhelpful patterns of communication and connection, to learn new ways of communicating and doing life well with the people we love. 

Never underestimate the power of coming up for prayer here at church when you’re navigating a difficult season or person.

In Exodus 15:22-25 we read about a situation Moses was in that can only be described as messy next level, struggle with a capital S. 

Then Moses led the people of Israel away from the Red Sea, and they moved out into the desert of Shur. They traveled in this desert for three days without finding any water. ²³ When they came to the oasis of Marah, the water was too bitter to drink. So they called the place Marah (which means “bitter”).

²⁴ Then the people complained and turned against Moses. “What are we going to drink?” they demanded. ²⁵ So Moses cried out to the Lord for help, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. Moses threw it into the water, and this made the water good to drink.

 Moses is dealing with a whole countryload of people being difficult and complaining.  It’s karen on steroids times a million.

But notice the solution.  He cried out to God, He asked for wisdom, for a solution.  And God showed Him.

Today you might feel like your life is a place of bitter waters.  You expected that this relationship or work place or friendship was meant to be an oasis, a good thing, a blessing and a benefit but instead there is no joy, no peace, no refreshment.  It’s bitter.  It’s messy.  It’s hard.  It’s painful.  The solution is to cry out to God and God will show you a way through.  The ultimate solution has been paid though.  God showed moses a piece of wood.  That represents the cross.  In our lives the cross is the way for us to have peace with God, a transformed life, the Holy Spirit who is our counselor and advocate who teaches us how to live and creates in us love, joy, peace, self control, hope, gentleness and all His characteristics to help us live and love well.   The cross changes everything. 

Our hope when things turn upside down is Jesus.  Our hope when the storm is raging is in the one who spoke peace be calm to the raging wind and waves and they were still.  Our hope is in Jesus who knew how to talk to prostitutes, lepers, sinners and saints lives in us.

If God has placed you in proximity to people who believe different, live different and behave different, believe that God has good things in store and has placed you there on purpose and will fully empower you and equip you for the hard conversations and those moments that are difficult.

There Is A Tree

So Moses brought Israel from the Red Sea; then they went out into the Wilderness of Shur. And they went three days in the wilderness and found no water.  Now when they came to Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter. Therefore the name of it was called Marah. And the people complained against Moses, saying, “What shall we drink?” So he cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a tree. When he cast it into the waters, the waters were made sweet.  Exodus 15:22-25

God is the God of yesterday, tomorrow and the future.

He is with you today, He was with you yesterday and He has already being in tomorrow. He is eternal and outside of time. However as humans we are bound in time and I know for myself, my brain begins to ache when I explore the unlimitness of eternity and God’s time bending nature.

Today, whatever obstacle you face you can be confident and assured that God has prepared a way forward.  He has prepared a tree.

Before Moses and the Israelites even began on their adventure in the wilderness God had prepared a miracle.   Twenty years before the people of Israel arrived beside these bitter waters, dry, parched and desperate for hydration, God had made a way where there seemed no way.  A seed found its way into the ground, grew and flourished.  A tree with a purpose, purposed by God.

The God of past, present and future provided for their present time of testing back in their past.

Likewise, the God of past, present and future has provided for you present and future in your past.

There is a tree. A tree of hope.

In Exodus God told Moses to break a branch off the tree and to throw it into the water, and the water would be healed. This tree that grew from a seed many many many years before was their remedy for their time of distress.   God nurtured the solution through seasons of drought and winter. He protected it as it grew from a seed to a sapling. Away from the spotlight the tree grew.

What is in your world that will bring healing and provision to your point of need?

2000 years ago God used another tree to prove His power and grace.  A tree that God had prepared from before the foundation of the world.  Jesus Christ hung and died on that tree to give us a new life and to heal us from all our diseases.  By His stripes we are healed.   There is a tree.  Yahweh Rapha, The Lord who heals, was wounded for our sin.  The Healing God bore upon Himself all our sicknesses and death for our healing, physically, emotionally, spiritually, eternally.  There is a tree.

When God looks at me He sees Jesus, His perfect Son who fulfilled every part of the law, who was obedient in all things.  By that perfect man’s death and obedience I am healed.  In Christ I am righteous.  He came and lived the life I could never live and died the death I deserved so that I can walk in healing and favour with God.

As you stand in your place of desperation fix your eyes upon God. Be confident in His limitless ability to heal, to save, to overcome. Stand fearless knowing that God is good and great and that He has made a way when there seems no way.

There is a tree.