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“Research assistants posed as jam suppliers and set up sampling tables at a gourmet store. In one condition of the experiment, six flavours of jam were available. On another condition, twenty-four flavours of jam were featured.”

This experiment proved to be an ideal method of understanding career choices. By giving the customers a variety of options, they noted how the quantity subconsciously affects the pattern of purchase more than the variety of options.

After laying out the choices, the researchers noticed that the twenty-four-flavour table have attracted more attention from the customers, but very few went on to purchase from the set. While, at the six-flavour set up, more customers were able to pick their choice easily and proceeded on buying a jar of jam.

Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told they can do anything or go anywhere.

Based on the study, Meg Jay explains that one of the reasons we feel stuck on our dilemma is because of the overwhelming thought that we can do anything we want, if we want to. “Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told they can do anything or go anywhere.”

But she elaborates that the idea of a ‘twenty-four-flavour table’ is just a myth. This much amount of options hardly exist even for those gifted with multiple talents. At best, each of us is choosing from our own six-flavour set.

So how do you begin to decide, really?

Well, “you’ve spent more than two decades shaping who you are. You have strengths, weaknesses, experiences, interests, diplomas, hang-ups and priorities…You’re standing in front of six flavours of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.”

You’re standing in front of six flavours of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.

Each bottle of jam represents bits and pieces of your ‘self’ reflecting your past, present and desired future. Choosing your options is merely just laying out the flavours of jam in your life and picking the one that tastes best for you. You can even go back to pick another variety next time.

from CHOOSING A CAREER IS LIKE PICKING A BOTTLE OF JAM by Dreamlist

and first read in Meg Jay’s book THE DEFINING DECADE

::: check out her TEDTalk HERE

Lighten Up: Stylish Lighting Choices for Your Office: Chandeliers are the Best

The 15 second kiss experiment.

A few weeks back, I met a gentleman at church named Tim. Tim and his wife had been married many years (I can’t remember exactly, but it was at least 30) and weathered many trials through their marriage (cancer included).

Naturally I asked him what the secret was – as I usually do when I meet someone with an epic marriage. “How have they stuck together through everything?”

He simply replied,

The 15 second kiss.

Intrigued, I asked, “What do you mean?“… though I suppose I could have figured it out.

He responded, “Every day, my wife and I always give each other a 15 second kiss. It’s long enough that you can’t fake it – it forces us to connect.”

 

Make Getting Feedback Less Stressful

As a species, we have developed a “threat response,” a cascade of physiological, emotional, and cognitive events that occur when we perceive a conflict. We typically refer to this set of reactions as a fight, flight, or freeze response. Recent neuroscience research has shown that our brains and bodies can respond to certain interpersonal situations the same way we react to literal threats to our physical safety. Psychologists refer to these experiences as “social threats.”

 

 

Are You Ready to Stay Married?

If a couple is wise, even before they get engaged, they’ll ask their friends and family some big questions of their own. They will seek advice about developing domestic harmony, having a unified vision for financial peace and confirming their theological alignment. They will beg for insight into the melding of diverse backgrounds into a new family. They’ll gauge others’ opinions on the compatibility of their personalities, callings and life plans. They will ask for advice on wedding and honeymoon plans. Though these questions take different forms and concern different subjects, they are all essentially asking the same thing: Are we ready to get married?

But after the wedding day, the questions often taper off. Rarely do married couples ask themselves some of the great questions that helped get them to where they are. Having answered the initial question, “Are we ready to get married?” couples forget to ask the ongoing question, “Are we ready to stay married?” Like the former question, the latter can take many forms. For those of us who want to be really good at staying married, let’s revisit some of our original lines of inquiry to get some new answers to old questions.

 

 

 

demi body trransformation facebook message

“This picture makes me feel so many mixed emotions.. I remember the day I wore the dress in the very first picture. I remember asking for spanx to flatten my stomach because I use to feel so heavy and “fat”. Now looking at this picture, you can clearly see my hip bones. It makes me sad because I wasted so many years ashamed of my body when I could’ve been living the happy and healthy life I live today. It TRULY just goes to show you that your perceptions can lie to you. OR they can make you learn to enjoy life. Fortunately looking at the picture of myself in the red dress yesterday, I not only feel so grateful for the love and support I’ve had from fans, friends and family, but… I also feel.. beautiful. I’m so excited to live my life the way I deserve to and to the complete fullest.  Demi Lovato 2014 VMA

 

 

How to Motivate an Underperforming Employee

It’s your job to motivate the troops, but what about the stragglers? Many leaders believe we’re all adults, so if some employees aren’t keeping up, ultimately you must fire them.

Before the problem gets to that point though, are you putting in the right effort to get your weaker employees up to par? Amy Gallo, a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, interviewed experts on how to correctly motivate those underperformers. Check out her suggestions below.

Address the problem head-on

Find the root cause

Make sure you are objective

Coach the employee and lay out the plan

Start a conversation

Follow up and monitor progress

Take action if needed

Reward them for changes

 

 

 

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tomorrow in SAS we’re talking about personality and using the myers briggs personality test to examine ourselves a bit closer…  its a great way to wrap some words about some aspects of who we are… and can give good insights why someone is wired a certain way…  me and antonio find it really useful when we find ourselves on different pages to then stop, look and semi analyse what and why we may be feeling a certain thing.  it helps us understand ourselves and each other better.

 

i am a ENFP = Extravert(67%)  iNtuitive(50%)  Feeling(75%)  Perceiving (11%)

 

and my results are:  ENFJ Extravert(100%)  iNtuitive(62%)  Feeling(88%)  Judging(11%)

  • You have strong preference of Extraversion over Introversion (100%)
  • You have distinctive preference of Intuition over Sensing (62%)
  • You have strong preference of Feeling over Thinking (88%)
  • You have slight preference of Perceiving over Judging  (11%)

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*** i’m passionate about teamwork, leadership and mentoring and that is one of the reasons i’m stoked to be on the SAS team this year @ The River – its about seeing lives change and people in real world situations having to work together, using their God given gifts, using their God given differences, for a common purpose.   Brad Lomenick’s post today was so timely, a beautiful reminder, at the beginning of this new adventure as we’re jumping into a lot of team building and practical team experience.  Teams work. 

 

Reality is, we are all part of some kind of team, wherever we are in life. Family, church, volunteer, sports, business, community, social. As Leaders, it’s equally important for us to know how to follow and be a great team member as it is how to LEAD and be a team leader. In fact, many believe to be a good leader, you must first be a great teammate. And I would suggest that great leaders are equally in tune with how best to be a teammate, along with how to lead well.

So here are a few thoughts on being a great team member:

1. Good teammates are great finishers. They get the job done. They take projects across the finish line.

2. Good teammates anticipate. They understand what needs to be done next before others, and are always looking for ways to make the process better.

3. Good teammates criticize their leader in private, and praise in public. Enough said on that.

4. Good teammates are trustworthy. When given an assignment, a leader can be assured that it will get done. This is incredibly important.

 

 

go read the next 4 great team attributes HERE on Brad Lomenick’s blog

 

 

and what would you add to the list?

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3 Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got MarriedTyler Ward

I used to think I had my stuff together. Then I got married.

Marriage is great—but it rocked everything I knew. I quickly realized my basic goal in life, prior to getting married, was to simply remain undisturbed.

This “disruption” came suddenly and was disguised as a 5-foot-nothing Swedish-Filipino woman. When I decided I’d rather not live without her, I proceeded to ask her to marry me—that is, to officially invite someone who wasn’t me to be in my personal space for the rest of my life.

This decision introduced my most significant experiences and most challenging experiences—none of which I would trade for the world.

However, I wish I’d had a bit more insight on the front end of our marriage to help me navigate it all.

According to most research, more than 50 percent of people who say “I do” will not be sleeping in the same bed eight years from now. And though Scripture alludes to the fact that adultery and abuse may be reasons individuals might end a marriage, I’d be willing to bet that most challenges experienced in marriage are the result of unawareness. Most people—myself included—jump into marriage with suitcases full of misconceptions and bad theology, entirely unaware of the unique beauty and paradoxical intentions of marriage.

 

 

 

There is no such thing as “The One.” – Tyler Ward

HISTORY. The idea of  ”THE ONE” and a “soul mate” comes originally from Plato, the Greek philosopher.

In his book, the Symposium, his character Aristophanese suggests that the reason romantic attraction is generally so strong, was because at one point, we were all round people. Rather, we all were both male & female, and because of this, the human race became too powerful. So, Zeus split humans in two with the intention that we’ll spend our time trying to find our other half and won’t threaten the gods.

Sounds about right, eh?

REALITY. The spouse you spend your life with is your choice.

With as little as the Bible talks about initially getting married, it implies that it is a choice based on character & faith – not feelings or destiny.

 

 

The Cure for BurnoutAnn Voskamp

Turns out that you can spend your life looting the world, looking for acceptance, only to find that all that made you feel acceptable — were phony fakes of the real thing.

That’s why it never lasts. That’s why you get up everyday still desperate for something, someone, to keep saying you are somebody. That you are somebody who is okay enough, who is acceptable enough, who is more than good enough.

Sin is really about what you let determine your acceptability.

The conductor’s focus never wavers.

The symphony only happens, the symphony only makes music, when you are brave enough to simply turn your back to the critics and your face toward the place where the music’s made. I close my eyes, because I can, because I cannot. Music’s only made in the place of acceptance —– accepting the beautiful reality of the notes.

That’s the thing: We all get to choose where we set up the stage of our lives — before the Crowds, the Court, the Congregation, the Critics (inner or otherwise)-– or the Cross of Christ.

All except One will assess your performance.

Only One will accept you before your performance.

 

 

 

 

The Problem With Entitlement, Part 1 – The Actual Pastor

Paula D’Arcy was in her twenties when a terrible car accident (due to a drunk driver) took her husband and 21 month old child, leaving her pregnant and alone. She railed against God, she cried, she despaired. Almost everything she knew about life died in that car crash. But she gave birth to her second daughter, and slowly, she returned to life. This tragedy sent her on a slow journey towards a life and ministry centered on the things that emerged out of that tragedy. She calls these bedrock beliefs “The Things I Know For Certain.” Because they flow out of deep pain and loss, as I read them, they strike me as invitations into a different way of living, beyond entitlement and into gratefulness. I’ll list them below.

1. I am certain everything is a gift.

2. I am certain we are entitled to nothing.

3. I am certain the wells for joy and pain are not separate.

4. I am certain bitterness and healing are a choice.

5. I am certain that running from darkness only leads to greater darkness.

6. I am certain the darkness is held ultimately by light.

7. I am certain that the words from Scripture, ‘In Him we live and move and have our being’ are not poetic; they are actual physical reality.

 

 

 

 

20 Things Every Twentysomething Should HaveRelevant Magazine

Your twenties have been called the “defining decade”—it’s the time in your life when you not only make big decisions about your career, relationships and finances, it’s also when you figure out what being an adult is about.

Obviously, there’s nothing magical that happens when you turn 30 (or even 40 or 50 for that matter), but being well equipped when your starting out as a real-life grown up can help set the course for decades to come.

Here’s our look at the 20 things every twentysomething should have…

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“Research assistants posed as jam suppliers and set up sampling tables at a gourmet store. In one condition of the experiment, six flavours of jam were available. On another condition, twenty-four flavours of jam were featured.”

This experiment proved to be an ideal method of understanding career choices. By giving the customers a variety of options, they noted how the quantity subconsciously affects the pattern of purchase more than the variety of options.

After laying out the choices, the researchers noticed that the twenty-four-flavour table have attracted more attention from the customers, but very few went on to purchase from the set. While, at the six-flavour set up, more customers were able to pick their choice easily and proceeded on buying a jar of jam.

Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told they can do anything or go anywhere.

Based on the study, Meg Jay explains that one of the reasons we feel stuck on our dilemma is because of the overwhelming thought that we can do anything we want, if we want to. “Twentysomethings hear they are standing in front of a boundless array of choices. Being told they can do anything or go anywhere.”

But she elaborates that the idea of a ‘twenty-four-flavour table’ is just a myth. This much amount of options hardly exist even for those gifted with multiple talents. At best, each of us is choosing from our own six-flavour set.

So how do you begin to decide, really?

Well, “you’ve spent more than two decades shaping who you are. You have strengths, weaknesses, experiences, interests, diplomas, hang-ups and priorities…You’re standing in front of six flavours of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.”

You’re standing in front of six flavours of jam and you know something about whether you prefer kiwi or black cherry.

Each bottle of jam represents bits and pieces of your ‘self’ reflecting your past, present and desired future. Choosing your options is merely just laying out the flavours of jam in your life and picking the one that tastes best for you. You can even go back to pick another variety next time.

from CHOOSING A CAREER IS LIKE PICKING A BOTTLE OF JAM by Dreamlist

and first read in Meg Jay’s book THE DEFINING DECADE

::: check out her TEDTalk HERE

 

 

download (7)

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The worst thing people say to us moms. by Jenny Acuff

“We have heard all about Jon’s dreams and passions, but do you have any Jenny?”

This question always makes me laugh because I know people are not going to like my answer.

Folks want me to say, “My passion is baking or sewing or photography.” We all have a definition of what really counts as a passion and often it most be artistic by nature. People essentially think you’re going to respond with something that is found on Pinterest.

But do you know what my passion is?

Raising our kids.

Being a mom.

Taking care of the Acuff house.

That is my definition and I don’t particularly care if other people think those passions “don’t count.”

They count to me.

 

 

10 Ways to Do Adulthood Well

Don’t worry about aging. Worry about not aging well.

It’s hard to say when a person reaches adulthood. Leaving mom and dad’s house, finishing college or getting a job don’t seem to automatically make a person an “adult” these days.

If anything, adulthood is a daily and gradual process of choosing maturity over immaturity. It doesn’t happen in one big moment, but over years of wise decisions. Adulthood is a sculpture carved over time. It’s a process of a person casting away their childishness and taking the shape of Godly maturity in their thoughts, words and actions.

 

 

 

Reasons to be Passive (Part 3) by Paul David Tripp

You and I live in these little, mundane moments. The character of a life is not set in three or four moments of huge significance. No, the character of a life is set in 10,000 little moments, one after another. The character formed in those innumerable little moments is what positions us to respond in the big moments of life (see the Parable of the Ten Minas, Luke 19:11–27.)

 

 

 

 

FUN Prayers for Myers Briggs Types

INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta

ENFP: God,help me to keep my mind on one th-Look a bird-ing at a time.

ENFJ: God help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing?

INTJ: Lord keep me open to others’ ideas, WRONG though they may be.

INTP: Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

 

 

 

Conflict Resolution by Lysa TerKeurst

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

When I was in my early twenties, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict.  I won’t use the tired cliché that I avoided it like the plague.  But, since I just used it anyhow, I’ll admit I tried to navigate around conflict at any cost.

I was a ‘stuff it and smile’ kind of girl.  The problem with pretending to be fine when you’re really not, is all that pent up steam will eventually come out.  And if you’ve ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.

A much healthier approach to the inevitable conflicts we all must deal with is to face the issue head on with grace and humility having asked ourselves one very crucial question.  This question is so crucial that might I dare say not asking it could lead to extreme conflict escalationrather than relationship restoration.

So, what’s this crucial question?

Am I trying to prove or improve?  That’s the question.  In other words, is my desire in this conflict to prove that I am right or to improve the relationship at hand?

 

 

 

CLICK ON THE LINKS TO READ MORE!

 

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10 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science

1. Exercise more – 7 minutes might be enough

2. Sleep more – you’ll be less sensitive to negative emotions

3. Move closer to work – a short commute is worth more than a big house

4. Spend time with friends and family – don’t regret it on your deathbed

5. Go outside – happiness is maximized at 13.9°C

6. Help others – 100 hours a year is the magical number

7. Practice smiling – it can alleviate pain

8. Plan a trip – but don’t take one

9. Meditate- rewire your brain for happiness – Pray!

10. Practice gratitude – increase both happiness and life satisfaction

 

How to be a Great Wife

I believe every married woman wants to be the best wife she can be, but it’s hard to have a clear picture of what that really means or looks like.

The media seems to bombard women with conflicting messages about what the “ideal woman” is all about. One moment you’re being told to starve yourself and spend all your time in the gym and salon so you can always look like an airbrushed model on the cover of a magazine. The next moment your role model is a CEO mom who is making millions and still “having it all” by being a wife and mommy too. You flip the channel again and you’re told that an ideal wife makes her own clothes and home schools her 20 kids.

1. Give respect to your husband.

2. Create a positive tone in the home.

3. Fall in love…with God!

 

 

How to be a Great Husband

We men tend to get our priorities out of whack sometimes. We can be passionately devoted to our work, our hobbies and our favorite sports teams and still neglect the priorities that should matter most.

We need to “Man Up” and love our wives and kids the way they deserve to be loved. I’m not just writing this to you, but i’m writing this as a guy who needs a daily reminder of all these things myself! Here’s how we do it…

1. Love your wife passionately and selflessly.

2. Protect your wife.

3. Stop acting like a kid.

4. Communicate.

5. Create romance outside the bedroom.

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What’s Your Animal Personality Type?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is an expansion of Carl Jung’s ideas about personality types, expressed in one of 16 four-letter acronyms that express your dominant traits. Although you can only officially take the test with a licensed practitioner, there are plenty of unofficial version available online. These animals took the test and the results are in!

(i think i’m an ENFP) Creative and contagiously happy, ENFPs have boundless energy and an appetite for learning about new things and meeting new people. They bring joy to others and are keenly perceptive to the needs of those around them. They are vivacious and popular enthusiasts. ENFPs tend to get bored easily, and they are always ready for the latest and the greatest in friends, relationships, experiences, and ocean jumping.

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our mums group have been watching Mark Gungor’s LAUGH YOUR WAY TO A BETTER MARRIAGE – and its brilliant.  it was recommended to me by a counsellor who spoke at our women’s conference this year.  and its so bang on.  so what our group needed.  fantastic resource. 

Mark is a pastor, and a counsellor and hilarious.  He has a way of pushing the envelope to make you think in a good way.  He is very funny and you can so picture yourself, and your marriage, in the context of what he is sharing.  He disarms us with humour but also has this thing about him that is so fatherly and pastoral that when he tells you off, you take it.  His insight into the differences between men and women is, for lack of a better word, insightful.

Our young adults have also been watching his singles series STINKING THINKING.  we watched DATING DO’S AND DON’TS (session #3) and the next session SEX MAKES YOU STUPID.  best nights ever.  mark is very black and white and uses all the right words and is straight up.  love love love it.  love that last night two of the youth leaders got their guys group to watch it.  gives comprehensive reasons to wait until married to be sexually active (in any shape or form!)

Read the rest of this entry »

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The Happy Formula for Successful Kids by Shawn Anchor

Many parents think success first, happiness second, but that’s not how it works. Happiness fuels success and not the other way around, Achor says. The problem with putting success before happiness is that success is a moving target—once you achieve a victory (something you thought would bring happiness) you push the goalpost out, so happiness keeps getting pushed over the horizon. The same philosophy applies to your kids.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Daddy Bill by TULLIAN TCHIVIDJIAN

It was no surprise that he presented the Gospel that day. He spoke boldly of sin, the cross, and the amazing grace of God. He spoke of God’s infinite willingness to forgive, the brevity of life and the fleeting pleasures of this world. He looked into the eyes of the many high ranking political leaders who were there that day and challenged them to contemplate death and the life after. He was so bold, so unashamed of the Gospel—yet so winsome. To this day, I’m not sure I have ever heard the truth spoken in love more effectively. I had heard him preach a thousand times, but this time was particularly moving. I’ll never forget that day.

 

 

 

5 Simple Reasons Not to Go All the Way While your Engaged

But God sees purity as vital and His boundaries for intimacy and sex were displayed in the garden when Eve was taken out of Adam’s rib. When she was created, she was already his wife. There was no pre-marital anything for Adam and Eve.

Sex is for marriage. Simply trust that God has His reasons for designing it that way.

Just incase you need more convincing, here are five simple reasons not to go all the way with your fiancé:

Because you want God’s blessing!

Because you want your spouse’s utmost respect!

Because, believe it or not, sexual tension is a gift from God!

Because you want to be baggage free!

Because you are part of a Holy generation!

I know it is hard to wait. But waiting builds character and character is a highly sought after gem in this world! Please your Savior who gave up everything for you!

Be self-controlled, filled with the Spirit and keep your engagement short.

 

 

 

Seven Steps to Building Powerful People by DREAM CULTURE

Going after your dreams was never meant to be outside of the context of community. Even better, part of our mandate is to inspire, encourage and empower those around us into their dreams. If you take what I give you and go further with it, you have honored me and I celebrate that. So how do you intentionally develop people around you?

I – Include.

N – Need.

T – Train.

E – Empower.

R – Reproduce.

N – Notice.

S – Set them up for success

 

 

 

The Husband List: 12 Non-Negotiables

Therefore, even if you have a vision or idea of what your future husband will be like, it is important that you define the specific traits in your life partner. I was in a bible study where we were required to make a “husband list” for homework. It couldn’t just be a short list of the basics. We had to be specific. An example would be, “A man who has a calm temperament and handles stress well.” This may sound silly, but the reason it is important to put the important qualities you desire into writing is to hold you accountable. It also gives you heightened discernment in dating situations.

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The Wife List: 10 Qualities

Just like character is the most important characteristic of a good guy, the woman you’re going to marry should have good character as well.  When you find her, she is more valuable than anything.  Here are 10 qualities of good future wife material:

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