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Leading and Loving It is passionate about providing relevant resources for pastors’ wives and women in ministry and leadership. While many women feel overwhelmed, inadequate, and unprepared, we believe that you can thrive – loving life and ministry. It’s our desire that you would feel confident as you embrace your calling.
Do you struggle to find joy in your ministry role? Do you find yourself discouraged and wonder how you got here? Are you trying to pour into others while running on empty? Whether you are partnering with your husband in his calling or serving in your own leadership role, being a woman in ministry is a huge blessing. But it is also filled with challenges that can threaten to steal the joy found serving in ministry. We get a front-row seat watching God completely transform people’s lives, and then can be so wounded when those same people turn to us and hurl words of criticism. We are surrounded by people, yet locked away in loneliness and isolation. While serving as mentors, counsellors, advisors, and even cheerleaders, we attempt to find balance in our schedules and lives.
This months Leading and Loving It – JustONE conference – was about navigating relationships – in particular friendships. the sessions were insightful, encouraging, challenging and fun and i love love love the chats with Lori, Brandi, Lisa and Mardia between “main speakers” – i love how real and raw and funny they are! they show a better way to do life with people, not just through their words but through their lives. so appreciate them!
below are my notes from the sessions:
loved this wonderful devotional by one of our leading and loving it community group ladies today – rest and spending time with Jesus was so on my heart in hosting the conversation so was neat we were “on the same page!” loved what she shared out of Mark – that the disciples were called into REST before feeding the 5000, their ability to “go and feed them” came out of that place of overflowing out of being with Jesus.
Life is busy, as women, moms, wives, daughters, friends, employees ,leaders etc.,having passion for our calling and the investment we make in those in our lives or we are leading can be depleting. This is something that God has really had to work with me on since I tend to be passionate about life and what I commit to. If a little passion is good then allot is GREAT, right? NO! God has shown me that this is not at all the case…. And not a lesson I have learned easily.
Mark 6 30 – 44 is a Bible story that is familiar to many, Jesus feeding the 5K, I was reading through this passage and God showed me a few things I had not seen before, that I am excited to share with you. I love how Go can take what we already know and shine new light on…
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FREEDOM FROM CRITICISM & PEOPLE PLEASING
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves; I have broken the bands of your yoke and made you walk upright. Leviticus 26:13
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Leviticus 26:13
if i please people i will displease people
if i please God, i will please God
God was meant to be pleased
to please anything but God displeases others, disappointment to God and discouragement to us
Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
1 paul used to be a people pleaser – he “gets it”
2 paul no longer was a people pleaser – there is hope
For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. KJV
YET – i used to be but no more
after accepting Jesus he could no longer accept 2 masters – Jesus or the people
paul chose Jesus
he chose to please one
instead of pleasing all
people pleasing is a form of idolatry = sin!
pray and ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light on that sin and on that issue
awareness means we can be proactive
people pleasing is a symptom of something deeper in us that causes us to be people pleasers – extract that root
Overcoming People Pleasing
1 pray GOD HELP ME PLEASE YOU
2 get counselling
3 read books about it (approval addiction by joyce meyer)
* for more on people pleasing read something i did with our young adults on identity issues and people pleasing
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Leviticus 26:13
FREEDOM IN FORGIVENESS
unforgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die
proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you
often we’re happy with the part b of that verse… but find part a really really really hard
to forgive someone is to wilfully accept the wound someone has given you
give up the right and desire to get even and to inflict revenge
retribution is a false sense of justice
give up the right and desire to withhold forgiveness
to bottle it up and internalize it
control mechanism
but it kills us and imprisons us
galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
christ has forgiven us so we should free others by forgiving them
ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
we are agents of forgiveness
healing comes through forgiveness but comes through the action and choice of the one who is wounded
whatever sin done to us has been forgiven by Jesus and justice has been done
jesus knows what we feel like, he knows the cost and pain and choice of forgiveness
in forgiving we discover the heart of Jesus
those who are forgiven much, love much
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves; I have broken the bands of your yoke and made you walk upright. Leviticus 26:13
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high. Leviticus 26:13
FREEDOM IN PRAYER
prayer is something we feel like we *should* have figured out… but often we don’t… we have to LEARN how to pray / to ride
remember HE is our God – He loves us
we shouldn’t be burdened down or yoked into slavery – how often do WE put the yoke on us
Jesus came to set us free and create relationship
expectations can create yokes instead of relationship and freedom
Are there things you choose to lead and/or do because you think that’s what a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry is supposed to do?
Matthew 6
dont make a show of what you pray – praying for the spotlight instead of a deeper relationship with jesus
prayer is private and personal
approach Him as a child
prayer isn’t a formula or a to-do list
Jesus starts with OUR FATHER
the beauty is that God invites us to come as Father
we are children, dependant upon our Father, who supplies all our needs, powerful and creative, and invites us in to relationship with Him
we can cry out to Him and share the most personal places of our heart
isaiah 30:19b How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
psalm 107:6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
romans 8:26 – In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
He asks us to ask Him
prayer is putting feet to the acknowledgement that HE is God and we are NOT
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
FREEDOM IN RELATIONSHIPS / FREEDOM FROM LONELINESS
hold your head high and KEEP your head throughout moments of conflict
respond – don’t react!
exploders who shame others – add PAUSE – stop and think – attack the issue NOT the person. Pause! And let the Holy Spirit intervene!
Proverbs 10:19 – In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.
exploder who shames themselves – add PERSPECTIVE – ask myself this question – in this moment – if this is the worst thing that happens to me today is this, then its still a pretty good day eh?
proverbs 12:16 -A fool’s wrath is known at once, But a prudent man covers shame.
stuffer who builds barriers – establish BOUNDARIES – stuffers shuts down the relationship and the potential of the relationship – stuffing things down and suppressing them instead of dealing with the issues, avoiding conflict, dishonesty “i’m fine”
proverbs 10:18-21 Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, And whoever spreads slander is a fool. In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; The heart of the wicked is worth little. The lips of the righteous feed many, But fools die for lack of wisdom.
stuffer who collects retaliation rocks – swallowing down proof and evidence that eventually will be used later, reverse of an oyster making a pearl but making a rock of retaliation – becoming an exploder – keep the peace in the moment but collecting proof that will come back to damage relationships – are you trying to be right or improve the relationship
proverbs 10:14 Wise people store up knowledge, But the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.
but there are also redeeming qualities:
honest
peacemaking
find the balance and soul integrity
choose today to have one better reaction – change the course of emotional reaction
you CAN change
notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
FREEDOM IN YOUR MARRIAGE
we often feel that once we’ve failed we’re failures – but that is NOT true
it is what we choose to do after that that matters!
Whatever happened yesterday, happened yesterday
many of our fights and conflicts are caused by communication failures
disagreements can happen in a healthy way but we have to CHOOSE that
1 have the others best interest in mind
2 integrity
3 do you get the job done or do they?
1 have trust that they have your best interests at heart
grace, hope
instead of defence reactions
realise how your actions affect that person
Believing the best instead of assuming negatively can be challenging
questions to ask yourself:
do you want to control them?
are you quick to blame?
do you protect your personal rights?
are you self focused?
do you get defensive when you are criticised?
do you often draw your attention to your own achievements?
are you hurt when you are overlooked?
are you overly concerned with what others think of you?
do you feel sorry for yourself when you are not appreciated?
these things can bring damage into marriage and weaken the true love and affection
they can erode your self esteem which affects your marriage and relationship
2 integrity
your moral compass
more who you ARE more than what you DO
patience
kindness
humility
truthfulness
forgiveness
pray and ask God to HELP you have these attributes – His Holy Spirit lives inside you to produce fruit
3 are you getting the job done? or is he getting the job done?
trust levels
credibility account
questions to ask yourself:
do you prioritize well? – i love google calendar too!
do you have follow through?
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
FREEDOM WITHIN THE BUSYNESS
1 define my priorities
don’t be so busy that you cant hear God speak and that you cant live right!
being too busy will take a toll on your life, your health, and your family
its okay to say NO
its okay QUIT
Sometimes redefining our priorities is difficult but SO necessary
redefining helps us identify what we can say YES to
the busyness of life can derail us. It can distract us from the best life we can have
why do we fill our plate so fill?
why do we not take time to pause and reflect?
what questions do you ask yourself to filter what you do?
will this help my family? will be still be a great mum?
Will that be a benefit to my family?
2 get help
we cannot do it all on our own
ASK for help
that’s what FRIENDS are for too!
3 remember His Presence
He is with us always
in the middle of the battle
in the middle of the mess
in the middle of the busyness
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
Joy + Passion + Compassion = Freedom in Serving
serve out of your passion
what stirs your heart into discontent?
increase your heart for it and stir your passion for it and find a solution to serve in
take time to find out what your giftings are
too often we serve out of guilt but we should serve with freedom and true compassion
have JOY in your service
choose a new perspective to motivate and inspire your serving
“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human.” Henri Nouwen
serving allows us to participate in God’s plan to change the world
He uses US to meet the needs of the world
* notes from the Leading and Loving It JustONE Virtual Conference this week
FREEDOM IN PARENTING:
love this woman’s passion for parenting! makes me want to be a greater mum!
Galatians 5:1 it is for freedom that Christ has set us free
Jesus doesn’t want us to live with the yoke and burden of slavery
the burden can be because i am parenting out of fear
* i don’t want
* i don’t want
* i don’t want
we want to parent out of VISION
* i want
* i want
* i want
focus on what we DO want
what is my vision for my home? what is my vision for my children?
what is GOD’S vision for my life and my children and me as a mum?
don’t base your parenting based on what happened to us
the negative experiences in our life is part of our STORY but we have a CHOICE about passing it on and repeating it with our kids
allow God to REDEEM our life and experiences
let God redeem so it won’t be repeated!
God wants FREEDOM for us in parenting and in our home
the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came to give us LIFE
does it mean every day is fun? no. but it means we know that God has placed these kids in our care, in my care – PURPOSED and PLANNED
i am used by God to shape their lives
i am called by God to parent my children
people will often evaluate us and our ministry through our parenting and children’s behaviour
parenting our children is our PRIMARY ministry
we are parenting to enjoy the next 20 years – a life time of relationship with our children
don’t be limited by what OTHERS think
CHANGE the way you think
* i want my kids to love God, to love church and have a passion for His will
how do we achieve that end goal?
teach them, through MY LIFE – i am an example
i love God, i love church, i love His ways and His will!
if i am living with joy and freedom then that will translate to my kids
we can trust God with our kids, with all our hearts, and lean not on our own understanding and in all our ways, in our parenting, acknowledge Him and He will have our back!
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