Whom must you please?
Whose opinion of you counts?
From whom do you desire approval and fear rejection?
Whose value system do you measure yourself against?
In whose eyes are you living?
Whose love and approval do you need?
Most of us have the desire to be liked by everyone. The problem is that desire can never be filled. Even Jesus, the only perfect person to ever live, was not liked by everyone. Actually, He was hated and killed by a mob of people. If people hated Jesus, you can rest assured that from time to time someone may not like you. That is okay. Really! Come to grips with that—it is okay if other people don’t always like you. This is often the hardest thing to grasp because we place too much value on the opinion of other people.
“They put everyone else before themselves,” she said. For some, saying “yes” is a habit; for others, “it’s almost an addiction that makes them feel like they need to be needed.” This makes them feel important and like they’re “contributing to someone else’s life.”
People-pleasers yearn for outside validation. Their “personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others,” said Linda Tillman, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Atlanta, GA and assertiveness expert. Thus, at the core, people-pleasers lack confidence, she said.
They worry how others will view them when they say no. “People don’t want to be seen as lazy, uncaring, selfish or totally egocentric,” Newman said. They fear “they’ll be disliked and cut from the group,” whether it’s friends, family or co-workers.
What many people-pleasers don’t realize is that people-pleasing can have serious risks. Not only does it put a lot of pressure and stress on you, Newman said, but “essentially you can make yourself sick from doing too much.” If you’re overcommitted, you probably get less sleep and get more anxious and upset. You’re also “depleting your energy resources.” “In the worst case scenario, you’ll wake up and find yourself depressed, because you’re on such overload because you possibly can’t do it all,” she said.
people pleasing is like comparison – a thief of joy.
it robs us of the ability to relax into who we are, to experience and express life through who we are meant to be and called to be
it labels us and limits us
and often the attempts we make to please people fall short and then we fail anyway.
when we try to please everybody, we end up pleasing nobody.
But the fact is, people pleasing isn’t about pleasing others, but fending off our fear of rejection. Those of us who would consider themselves people pleasers are generally individuals who feel the need to be accepted by the world around them. And not just a general acceptance, but that of each person they come in contact with.
its good to want to live a life that enriches those around us, to have friends and family that we value.
but when we mask who we really are to please them we are slowly losing ourselves.
We need to refrain from comparing ourselves to anyone else because God doesn’t want us to be frustrated and feel unworthy of the blessings He desires to give us.
Comparing our lives with other people’s lives is unfair, to them and to us. It’s unfair to them because if we become jealous of what they have, what they know, how they look, etc., we start to resent them. Then we can no longer appreciate them as the wonderful person God made them to be.
It’s unfair to us because it limits God’s plan for our lives. Comparison says to God, ‘I want to limit Your work in my life to this and nothing else. I just want to be like this other person.’
But God has an individual plan for each of us. His plan for you is greater than you could possibly imagine. Stop looking at His plans for others so you can walk in the plans He has for you and receive the blessings they bring.
the challenge is to live authentically. settled in our own skin, quirks and all.
Who are you at the core? What is your purpose? What is your vision? What are your strengths?
Who does GOD say I am?
God does not love you because of your performance; He loves you because of your position as His child.
What gives us our identity is not colour or culture, wealth or relationship status. But chosenness.
You aren’t loved because you’re valuable. You’re valuable because God loves you.
You please Him.