When my boyfriend of seven years proposed to me, I said No, mostly because I feared making an intractable mistake. Five years later, I was slightly more courageous and said Yes to the second man who proposed; He pulled the plug four months later. Confused and raw, I determined to create a criterion that could guide me through the sometimes murky waters of dating and engagement. In the months that followed, I fabricated more than one spreadsheet titled, How to know if your significant other is a good match. Twenty-three years of marriage and twenty years of pastoring later, I have distilled that spreadsheet into the following five questions.
1. Does this person have integrity?
2. Do I respect this person?
3. Can I continue to respect and love this person if their most annoying habit or significant weakness never changes?
4. Does the object of my affections deeply love God?
5. Finally, does this person encourage me, not only in word but also in action?
Purpose is a powerful thing. Understanding what you were created to do helps you understand who you are. But who you are is more than just what you do. You are worth loving just because you exist. That’s it.
YOU ARE LOVED AND WILL BE LOVED AND HAVE BEEN LOVED SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU ARE.
“Love never fails” is such a tidy phrase; but is it true?
We post often about how love never gives up, how marriage has “no plan B”, and as long as you stick together you can make it through anything. We’re strong proponents of fighting hard for your spouse, and loving especially when times get hard.
But what if you’re divorced or heading toward one? What if you feel helpless, as if love is failing you and you can’t do anything about it?
I don’t know about you, but I can be very impatient. When I ask for something, I want it provided immediately! When I go somewhere, I expect you to be early and waiting for me in the car! If it doesn’t happen without delay, it’s easy for me to become an irritated man. I know you can relate.
The reason you and I hate to wait is because a delay immediately announces that we’re not in charge. If we could control the situations, locations, and relationships of our everyday life, we wouldn’t have to wait. There would be no such thing as a delay.
But what’s the best way to build rapport and create trust? Plain and simple, who can explain how to get people to like you?
Robin Dreeke can.
Robin was head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program and has studied interpersonal relations for over 27 years.