I 79 me selfa

i find it really easy to say to someone else “you’re beautiful” and mean it.

not so much about myself.

i like my hair, i like my style, when i smile my eyes twinkle… but beautiful.  not so much.

and yeah, i’m working on it.

because i don’t think that’s good enough.  i think its a lie.  i think its not true.

yet it destabilises me, can make me feel insecure.

it can make me want to hide and shrink back instead of stepping forward.

its a limitation.

and to confess it is like a dirty little secret, its a hidden shame that i carry on the inside.

I don’t know if it is because for so long I’d had some visible external “stuff” that made me feel self conscious – eczema on my body and my face.  I got so used to looking in the mirror and seeing the eczema and not the me behind it.  I don’t know if its because i’m in the second half of my thirties with two kids.  I don’t know if its because i’m short and curvy.   But really, they’re just excuses.  an excuse to excuse away my self doubt.

i’m learning to line up my perception with God’s reality.

He says I’m beautiful.

He says I’m His.

i’m learning to line up my perception with other peoples encouragement.

My husband says I’m beautiful.

My kids say I’m beautiful.

My friends say I’m beautiful.

People at church say I’m beautiful.

I’m learning to smile and say thank you, and mean it and not add a but in my head, to discount it with a shrug.

I’m learning to replace any doubt with trust.

I’m learning to let go and just be me, to embrace my style and to live outwards. 

(Even if that means I cant dye my hair anymore!)

Because God made me beautiful.  He has crafted my outside and inside to bring Him joy.

 

I am beautiful.

 

PS – have you seen the Dove Real Beauty Forensic Drawings Clip… You Are More Beautiful Than You Think… + the men’s parody version (sooooo funny!)

 

 

 

Five Minute Friday is a feature over at Lisa-Jo Bakers TALES FROM A GYPSY MAMA blog.  i first read about it on my friend Fee’s blog (and her one on IN BETWEEN is really good this week!) and thought it sounded fun!

So, let’s do this thing. Let’s write.

Set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready?

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