Illuminate 63 Me


we had a great weekend at our women’s conference – ILLUMINATE – over the weekend. 

one of the neat aspects of this conf is that our guest worship leader from last year became one of our speakers (as well as leading a powerful time of worship on saturday night!)  she is a trained counsellor and works primarily with couples.  she did a main session and an elective (for 18+ only!)

the following are my notes from both sessions



– say it well – truth in love

– hear it well – listen to understand


ask clarifying questions if you need to so that you are hearing what they’re really saying: what do you mean by that?  can you tell me a bit more about what you’re saying? 



– make time

– clear – issue + outcome

– one topic

– own perspective

– keep calm


think about: what is it that you are really upset about?  how do you hope they’ll respond?



– the frustration gap

– iChoices – i have a choice on how to respond and what to expect / lower expectation / express expectation and give the person an opportunity to make changes






Whose in charge, what are the rules, am i ok?

Women need unconditional love, men need unconditional respect.

For a man his job is very important. Part of his identity.

A mans identity is also affected by how others perceive him, respect before peers. Be his biggest fan. Let him know how wonderful you think he is. Men are “allergic to criticism”. A mans primary insecurity is in what he can do, ability – knock that down and you knock him down.  Be careful in how you communicate.

Guys need to know they’re ok, that we’re proud of them vs girls you’re beautiful and accepted


Men like to leave a legacy, his earnings and hard work build for the future


Do stuff with your husband – Men are shoulder to shoulder relationship communicators. They do stuff together. Women are face to face.


Show preference to him, he is important

Be content with your husband – don’t try to change him

Allow your husband to dream