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this week i’ve spent quite a lot of time in waiting rooms
first my daughter and i waited in the gp’s waiting room
waiting to order blood tests for both of us
then we waited at the blood testing place (which went well for both of us!)
then i waited for the head of immunology dept at hospital
and then i waited in the same place for the dietian
then this morning i waited at another hospital for the dermatologist
but the joy of waiting rooms is that sometimes there is someone else there waiting for a miracle
at the gp’s office, in one of the consultation rooms, a young child screamed. like distressed screamed.
so much so my uterus wept, seriously!
when the child with his dad and tearful mum came out and joined us in the full waiting room i said “that sounded rough.”
the boy, about 18months old, had being on the nebulizer, a steaming breathing thing for people with bad asthma. he had had asthma all through the night.
immediately i could identify as my daughter has being on the nebulizer many many many times.
we talked for a bit and i knew that the time was coming soon for evangeline and i to see our gp
so i asked if i could pray for her son, for her family,
right there, right now
in the waiting room, in front of the other waiting people
she said yes
today at the dermatologist the waiting time is notorious.
and the waiting space when you get called through past the first door is 4 seats facing each other in a narrow hallway. NO personal space.
i had being waiting for about 5 minutes when a young woman with a magazine sat beside me
she asked if i had being waiting long and we began talking eczema stuff
i knew i would have a long time to talk to her, because of the queue so we talked medical stuff and shared eczema life experience
then again, i knew my time was coming to an ending and i would see the specialist
and again i knew she was waiting for a miracle and a change
so again i asked if i could pray
she said yes
i closed my eyes and prayed for her
and am believing for change and hope for her
simple interactions
eternal consequences
waiting rooms are wonderful places
today i celebrate a milestone. an anniversary.
it was 19 years ago today that i became a christian.
19 years ago my life changed for eternity.
i had recently moved to a new town with my family and was now attending a huge girls only school. culture shock. when a friend invited me to youth group i had one thing on my mind. were there boys there? yes? great, i would go. great motivation to attend a youth group eh…
but i went and while there on the very first night i discovered that God was real and had a real strong sense that i had to do something about that.
i so went to their easter camp and i knew i was going to become a christian… whatever that really was… seriously i didnt know what i was signing up for…
the camp was held at a shearing shed in a beautiful mountain surrounded valley in marlborough.
the speaker spoke about jesus and eternity and heaven and knowing God.
on the saturday afternoon he told us to go away and talk to God.
i sat under a tree, hiding from everyone, crying and making snot because i KNEW i was not good enough to make it to heaven on my own and that i had a dirty heart. the anthem of the camp was keith greens Create in me a Clean Heart. i knew that though i was only 16 and had lived an okay life that i was still dirty and guilty and not good enough.
that night the speaker shared the gospel. that jesus died in my place. that jesus makes me clean. that jesus makes the way to heaven.
he gave the invitation and i went forward.
and encountered God.
and had a heart transplant.
i was forgiven. made new. saved. rescued. cleansed. loved.
19 years ago changed my life. changed my eternity.
God himself was pleased to live fully in his Son. And God was pleased for him to make peace by sacrificing his blood on the cross, so that all beings in heaven and on earth would be brought back to God. You used to be far from God. Your thoughts made you his enemies, and you did evil things. But his Son became a human and died. So God made peace with you, and now he lets you stand in his presence as people who are holy and faultless and innocent. Colossians 1:19-22
18 years ago yesterday i celebrated a milestone. an anniversary.
it was 18 years ago yesterday that i became a christian.
i had recently moved to a new town with my family and was now attending a huge girls only school. culture shock. when a friend invited me to youth group i had one thing on my mind. were there boys there? yes? great, i would go. great motivation to attend a youth group eh…
but i went and while there on the very first night i discovered that God was real and had a real strong sense that i had to do something about that.
i so went to their easter camp and i knew i was going to become a christian… whatever that really was…
the camp was held at a shearing shed in a beautiful mountain surrounded valley in marlborough.
the speaker spoke about jesus and eternity and heaven and knowing God.
on the saturday afternoon he told us to go away and talk to God.
i sat under a tree, hiding from everyone, crying and making snot because i KNEW i was not good enough to make it to heaven on my own and that i had a dirty heart. the anthem of the camp was keith greens Create in me a Clean Heart. i knew that though i was only 16 and had lived an okay life that i was still dirty and guilty and not good enough.
that night the speaker shared the gospel. that jesus died in my place. that jesus makes me clean. that jesus makes the way to heaven.
he gave the invitation and i went forward.
and encountered God.
and had a heart transplant.
i was forgiven. made new. saved. rescued. cleansed. loved.
yesterday 18 years ago changed my life. changed my eternity.
and i was priv’d to yesterday share my story in the context of communion at our church.
communion is the time we remember what Jesus did – His body broken for us, His blood shed for us – so that we can be forgiven, made new, saved, rescued, cleansed, loved.
God himself was pleased to live fully in his Son. And God was pleased for him to make peace by sacrificing his blood on the cross, so that all beings in heaven and on earth would be brought back to God. You used to be far from God. Your thoughts made you his enemies, and you did evil things. But his Son became a human and died. So God made peace with you, and now he lets you stand in his presence as people who are holy and faultless and innocent. Colossians 1:19-22
i like changes.
in fact sometimes i thrive on change.
i know thats probably unusual. that most people dont really like change.
my husband is wired like that.
which has made our adventure over the past while both joyous and hard for him.
about 6 months ago we realized that the company he worked for was probably nearing a closure. people were resigning and not being replaced.
he began applying for jobs.
but no door opened.
the guys at housegroup prayed for him.
but no door opened.
about 3 weeks ago now he came home and told me he had officially being made redundant. the end was here and now.
change was upon us.
we’ve faced redundancy before, and without going into details, it was a real blessing.
but on that day back over 5 years ago we found out he was being officially made redundant on the day evangeline was born.
so i laughed this time and said “at least i’m not having a baby this time.”
aka we can handle anything.
our declaration is and has and always will be that God is faithful. always. forever.
and that we will walk through any valley He lies before us.
and we will do so with honour and faith and trust.
because He is worth it.
within 2 days my husband had a job interview.
the first one in all the 6 months of applying.
God opened a door.
he went to 3 job interviews for the same job.
and on friday began his new job.
yes.
within 2 weeks he was made redundant and got a new job.
God is faithful. always.
and we feel so humbled because we have other friends walking through this unemployment valley and our heart hurts for them.
we feel so blest at God’s grace and favour.
we give all kudos to God.
change may happen.
but God never changes.
He is the same today, yesterday and will be tomorrow.
after i got saved there was a real period of contention in my life.
by that i mean that in hindsight i look back and see a battle over my life – to draw me away from God and into destructive darkness.
the enemy was not happy that i was rescued and saved and talking about it.
this ment that i did heaps of dumb things. things that hurt myself and my family and my friends. and God.
but his everlasting love didnt let me go but rather drew me harder to himself.
the wake up call came with a crash – a car accident. i was the driver and the car i was driving, my fathers, was written off. it shocked me awake.
the weekend after that crash i went our church family camp. and encountered God again in a dramatic personal way.
we had been told to go and find a space to talk to God.
again i sat under a tree (must be a thing for me) and wept. i sobbed and poured out my heart and a lot of snot!
but i didnt hear God.
no sense of his love or grace of his presence.
i went to the bathroom to wash my face.
splashed water on my face.
then looked up to check how bad i looked.
and there, scratched in the mirror, of this bathroom on an island in the marlborough sounds, in the middle of nowhere, was my name.
seriously.
i was a bit astounded and felt a tingle of something about to happen.
i went back outside and looked to where i had sat, under the tree.
something glinted and caught my eye.
i went back over to the tree and bent down.
there, where i had been sitting, unnoticed by me before, was a large shard of broken glass.
perhaps from a glass bottle. clear, but incredibly dirty. useless. broken. dull. grimey.
at that moment i heard God speak.
though i am as dirty as that glass He will transform me and make me as shinny and clear as the mirror.
i will be used to reflect the glory of God.
i will be clear.
that broke through to me, broke me. healed me. won me.
we then all were called back to the camp hall where we were asked to share what God had said.
i was really moved by all the inspiring encouraging things people had to say.
and i began to feel hot.
uncomfortable.
emotional.
i put my hand up to share – compelled to share.
“im a fake” i sobbed.
the speaker made me stand on a chair, and repeat what i had said.
“im a fake”
she asked everyone else who was a fake to stand.
everyone stood.
i continued to sob.
and i felt free.
forgiven.
clean.
it was a new day for me.
the woman then prayed for me and prophesied, and though i have no remembrance of what she said from then, the memories of standing on a chair confessing my sin and the mirror and dirty glass, hold such power in my life.
i have seen God transform me.
change me.
make me.
he is making me clear, shinny like that mirror, so that i will reflect his glory, demonstrate his love and grace.
he is such a good God!
i’ve been thinking/reflecting a lot at the moment on what my walk was like in my early 20s…
this is because we are priv’d to lead the young adults housegroup in our home each week and its the end of the year so i am stirring and dreaming and planning and processing for next year.
i think someone’s early 20s is a real time of growth – its when we figure out, to some degree, who we are, where we are going, what we are doing.
and its where we can fall and make mistakes, but learn to get up again and grow stronger.
i’ve been reflecting on some of the major experiences, and minor ones, that shaped who i am and what i believe.
one that stood out for me the other, or flashed into my heart, was triggered by a song.
i’ve been really enjoying rick pino’s worship.
he has great style and musicality and great lyrics.
but some of his lyrics push the envelope for me. he really majors in love, which is great, but can be on the fringe for me of romanticizing jesus.
jesus is the lover of my soul but i think sometimes there can be a line that is perhaps blurred…
but it reminded me that i once had this amazing experience.
i was telling a friend about how i so love jesus.
and i still so love jesus!
and he totally critizied me and rubbished me and said that i was over the line and jesus isnt my best friend or that i shouldnt relate to him in that way, lover of my soul, Lord of my life, closest friend who i walk with intimately all the time every day as much as possible.
i confess i was quite rocked.
it ate away at my heart and theology and security.
if i was relating to God wrong had i created him in my imagination.
was i following him for real at all?
i went to church that night a bit rattled in my spirit.
and a woman came up to me at the end, one of the leaders, and said that in worship she saw me dancing with jesus and that jesus loved me, that he is my closest dearest friend and that he delighted in me.
it was exactly what i needed to hear.
it settled my heart.
she had no idea of the conversation earlier in the day, or the insecurity in my heart.
but God did.
and he answered it.
i remember the youth camp i got saved at very clearly.
i remember smells, sights, the way i felt, the fun i had, the amazing things that happened.
i remember my heart beating faster than it ever had and an awareness of Someone holy and powerful and loving drawing me to Himself.
on the saturday morning the camp speaker told us to go and pray, to find a quiet spot by ourselves and talk to God.
i remember sitting under a tree, hidden from everyone else.
and i cried. a lot.
i remember having this intense feeling that i was never going to make it to heaven. not on my own anyway. that there was nothing i could do to be good enough to get there. with my back to the tree, the leaves rustling above me in whispers, i felt alone and lost. afraid and empty. everything was ripped away from me.
…
that evening for the first time i heard the whole gospel message.
…
that i was a sinner, unable to earn my way to heaven, but that Jesus had come and lived and died on the cross to make that way.
that Jesus made the way for me to go to heaven, that it was a free gift, not something i could earn, but something i could believe in and that it would give me the key to eternity with God. that i would be forgiven and righteous and that it was Christ’s righteousness and being good enough that earned me my entry.
sitting under the tree crying my eyes out had brought me to that place of lostness and desperation.
that evening i went forward and was found, made alive and new. i have complete and utter assurance on the inside that when i close my eyes in death that i will open them to heaven, to God, who will say, welcome, you belong here with me.
God himself was pleased to live fully in his Son.
And God was pleased for him to make peace
by sacrificing his blood on the cross,
so that all beings in heaven and on earth would be brought back to God.
You used to be far from God. Your thoughts made you his enemies, and you did evil things.
But his Son became a human and died. So God made peace with you, and now he lets you stand in his presence as people who are holy and faultless and innocent. Colossians 1:19-22
Let me introduce myself… again… well rather let me tell you my story…
I’ve been a Christian since April 1993… grew up in a semi catholic home (mum catholic dad not) – so we did go to church. sometimes. but it didn’t really mean all that much to me. it was what we did on Sunday. we put on our church clothes and went to church and dad cooked a fantastic roast dinner for us to come home to.
i DID really want to know God though and there are several experiences that i know have shaped my faith, expression and relationship with God from childhood.
In early teens though i decided that God must not be real, as he didn’t seem to be "there" – so I figured I would live my life without the "hassle" of thinking about Him and "His laws" (very catholic way of thinking) and so did that.
Our family moved quite a bit and when I was 15 we moved from Gore… where I went from a 300 student coed school to Blenheim, where I had to go to a 1000+ all girls school! Talk about freak out! Took a bit of adjusting… made some new friends… anyone one of my new friends went to a youth group and I went along with her one night for one reason and one reason only. There were boys there! Great reason for going to youth group eh lol!
Anyway on that first night someone PRAYED and I KNEW God was REAL and I knew I wanted to know Him, and could, so I knew I had do something about my "revelation". I waited until I went to their Easter Camp (about 3 weeks later) and there, not knowing what a Christian was or did, I became one…. I went up the front and responded to God, and encountered Him radically. By that i knew something was different – that i had given my life to God and became His child. sounds like a Christian cliché eh, but very real. i felt clean and new and forgiven. life had purpose and meaning. it was the start of an adventure.
So at that camp, at that youth group I discovered God was real and that I had a choice to make. I had to choose whether I would believe in Him and follow him – or whether I would turn my back on him and live my life my own way…. And suffer the consequences…
Did you know that your name is engraved on the palm of God’s hands?
Did you know that?
Your name.
My name.
My name is engraved on the palm of the hand of God.
It is for sure engraved on the palms of Jesus’ hands – great big gaping nail hole wounds.
It was all because of love that Jesus died. It was all because of love that God sent Jesus to live and to die on the cross as the sacrifice that pays for our sins.
The Bible puts it this way….
Colossians 1:20-22 And God was pleased
for Jesus to make peace
by sacrificing his blood
on the cross,
so that everyone
would be brought back to God.
You used to be far from God. Your thoughts made you his enemies, and you did evil things. But his Son became a human and died. So God made peace with you, and now he lets you stand in his presence as people who are holy and faultless and innocent.
God loves you. Loves YOU. He gave everything so that you can know him. He gave everything that you would know him in this life and in our after life, in eternity.
Do you know 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt where you will open your eyes if you drove out of here and were hit by an SVU? Would you open them in a glorious place filled with light and glory and peace and joy and worship to see God face to face and hear him say Welcome, I know you, you are mine…..
Eternity is all about location location location… just like real estate.
And the choice, is up to you.
Its all been paid for.
Its all ready for the taking.
But you have to walk over the line and believe and trust and surrender and be made new….
The Bible puts it this way…. You must be born again. Only God’s Spirit can change you into a child of God. Don’t be surprised when I say that you must be born from above. Only God’s Spirit gives new life.
Being a Christian isn’t about coming to church, or coming to youth group, or wearing a cross, or even owning a bible or anything like that…. It is a spiritual transformation….
Before you become a Christian you are dead on the inside. The Bible is blunt… it says dead, evil, corrupt, guilty.
When you become a Christian God makes you alive. He makes you pure and holy and innocent and not guilty. You are a new person on the inside.
You may look the same on the outside but if we could look into the spirit of someone we would see something new and alive and amazing where there was nothing before…
Like this – light a match…
You need to be alive. The Bible says you need to be reconciled to God. Reconciled is a fancy word that means you need to be in right relationship with God. You need to know him and be part of his family. Only if you are made alive, if you are born again, are you new and clean and acceptable to God. Only then can you know God.
You can know God! That in itself blows my mind. We can know the creator God who is so creative and mighty and holy and awesome – who sees all and knows all, who created the zebra and the orchid and the butterfly and the blue whale and the tiger and the gnat…. The God who breathed the stars out with a single breath, who said let there be light and light exploded into existence…. You can know the God who knows the future and knows how many hairs you have on your head and how many hairs you have on your toes….
“ Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. 1 Corinthians 2:9-12
Now doesn’t that rock your socks off. We can know God.
But only if we take him at his terms. The only way to God is through Jesus Christ. He is the way the truth and the life and no one comes to God but through him. Jesus made the way. He paid the price for my sin and your sin. He makes up the gap. On the day I became a Christian I sat under a huge tree by the shearing shed and I cried and cried because I knew that I would never ever be good enough to make my own way to heaven. But the good news is that I don’t have to. Jesus made the way for me. And if I believe that and accept that and live my life on that and allow him to make me alive on the inside – then I can know God in this life and when I die, forever.
Jesus died on the cross so that I can be friends with God, so I can be saved from eternity without Him, so I can be in relationship with Him now. Eternity is about now, not just after we die.
It was a long time ago i made that choice.
since then i’ve found God is truer, realer, gooder, more amazing than i could have imagined at that time.
there arent even really words to wrap around my new life with Him, because of Him, for Him.
but its real.
i may not see a form, but He is with me always.
and one day, when i close my eyes in death, i will open them, to see Him.
what about you?
do you know for sure?
Revelation 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
I’ve been listening to Suzy Wills – Shinning…. Great cd… great worship! “we overcome, we overcome, with our testimony, we overcome we overcome, this is who we are…”
What is my testimony. Who am I? I am a child of God. First foremost. I am brought with a price, the life and death of Jesus, his death upon the cross means I am a christian. I am a woman, made so by God, designed by God. I am a mother, a lifetime holy calling, with such precious gifts loaned to me by their Heavenly Father. I am a wife, partnering with my husband in the purposes of God, set together by God. I am a daughter born into a family who had influence into the formation of my nature and character. I am a preacher, called by God, shaped by God, communicating for God. I am an evangelist, with a desire to see lost people found. I am a kiwi, born into this radical pioneering mission sending wonderful nation. I am loved by God. I am saved by God. I am called by God. I am cleaned by God. In God and by God I can stand against all that comes against me. He is my strength and peace. He is my healer, for my body and my heart. He is my dream giver… giving me purpose and vision. I am radical and fiesty, its who I am made to be by God, for His glory. I’m quirky. I’m firey. My testimony is that God has never failed me, or abandoned me. He has always been my comfort and when I have sought Him, He was found. My testimony is that when I turn to Him, He is there, with all the answers and ideas I need. My testimony is that though I have bad hair days, stormy seasons and dry times Jesus is Lord of my life The One who sustains me and satisfies me. There is nothing that can squash me for long if I’m holding onto Jesus. My testimony is that God’s words are truth and true, real and reality. When I believe and listen to them I am a conquerer not conquered. I am beloved. I am cherished. I am designed. I am created. I am purposed. I am loved. I am liked. I am me.
psalm 89:1 A Poem of Ethan the Ezrahite. I will sing of the mercies of the LORD forever; with my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness to all generations. For I have said, Mercy shall be built up forever; You shall establish Your faithfulness in the heavens.
A while ago I had the privaledge to declare God’s mercy and making known the faithfulness God! I got to share my testimony at our womens meeting at church. A couple of others gave their testimony too – of healing or salvation.
There were some specific things i wanted to share within my testimony – words that i felt had more authority or were hook words…
IRRELEVANT
RELEVANT
MERCY
FAITHFULNESS
REAL GOD
I shared about growing up as a child going to the catholic church – it was the religious thing to do – as irrelevant to my real life as the no meat on friday rule and the roasary thing. Church on sunday ment wearing pretty clothes and coming home to a roast cooked by dad.
I did however hunger to know if God was REAL and be known by Him. But it didnt seem like there was any way to.
When I was 14 i went to a catholic high school, a co-ed school of 300 students. i was top of my year in Religious Education – but again it was irrelevant to real life and didnt make God real at all. I ended up going to the youth group and they said we were goin to do a course on “knowing the Holy Spirit” – well this was my chance! Finally i was going to find out if God was real! The course got cancelled because of lack of interest. Well that was that. God was OBVIOUSLY not real because if he was real he would have obviously set up the course so i would do it and believe…
So that was great. I could live my life without having to think about God. Make my own decisions with no thought to heaven and God and things like that…
The next year our family moved and i had the culture shock of the century…. I had to go to a girls school – of 1000 students!!!
The next year a friend of mine invited me to go to her youth group… i asked… are there boys there….? There sure were… so off i went! Yes, my sole motivation at that stage for goign to youth group was BOYS! Not the most kosher reason for joining a youth group but God had hoodwinked me… I went and part of the evening was for singing and learning about God. I could survive and sit through anything to meet boys! This young guy (not one of the boys i wnet to meet…) picked up his guitar and then everyone closed their eyes and dropped their heads. i looked around then followed suit. he prayed. and my eyes popped open – he was talking to GOD! and at that moment i also knew that God was REAL and knew me and loved me and was RELEVANT and amazing and awesome and well REAL! i knew at taht point also that if God was real then i had to respond to that. I had to do something. I had to give my life to Him. (NOTE: This is pre being talked to about “giving your life to jesus cliche type things…”)
i went to their easter camp ready to beocme a christian… a what??? i didnt really know… but i know i left a new person. i left knowing God. i left forgiven. i left transformed…
In the 15 years since becoming a christian i have found these 2 things to be totally real in my life:
1. God is relevant – wehre the religious church i had expereinced was irrelevatn to my real life, God was relevant in every area and knew about me and had dreams and plans for me and was working in every area of my life, personal, near… not far away, bearded on a cloud type thing…
2. God is faithful and His mercy covers all things. Life happens and even teh best christians amoungst us have times when we feel cold about God or we make a mistake and turn away from Him – know that God is faithful and merciful and we can always come to Him… the blood of Jesus is enough for my past sins and my future sins and i am secure in God because of it.
Go live for Jesus! Know Him and make Him known!
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