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i have decided that one of my main love languages is books.
yes i know the traditional LOVE LANGUAGES are
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
but books is so there.
for me its right up there after Words of Affirmation and maybe squeezed ahead of touch.
i love finding the right book for someone, like it was just written for them, relevant and real for them. inspiring and encouraging, challenging and applicationary.
and i love to pass them on. the other day i brought 4 copies of the same book.
i brought it for myself on tuesday. and went back and cleared the shelf on wednesday. i had 2 specific people in mind to give the book to. because i love them. when i lend a book, i’m saying i love you. when i give someone a book, i’m saying i love you, i care about you, and i believe in you and the purposes of God in and through you.
books communicate love to me.
i was just blest with the most encouraging amazing email.
i am such a words of affirmation chick!
i feel like my spirit and soul are restored.
i love how God knows me so
and i feel really honoured to receive such a gift as the email is to me
last night at our young adults service one of our leaders spoke on LOVE LANGUAGES. this year we’ve been really trying to equip and empower our young adults (and youth) so that they can make wise choices in relationships and also have the best marriages possible (when they get to that stage). alot of the more relationship focused topics have really addressed how blokes and chicks are different and so we communicate different and interact differently. last nights session on LOVE LANGUAGES was a real winner as it also broadened the application to families and friendships.
i remember reading the LOVE LANGUAGES book when i was newly married. it was a revelation to me. not so much for OUR relationship but in regards to my relationship with my parents. i had for a long time felt unloved and as a teen that really unsecured me. but this is because, i realized, we were speaking different languages. my mum kept a clean house and did excellent baking and my dad worked hard at work and home too. because they loved me. because their primary love language was service. doing things. serving to show love. but my primary love languages are words of affirmation and touch. encouragement and compliments and hugs and kisses. my parents are huggy parents. they didnt express in words how they loved me, they did things to prove it instead. like the quote above said… they were and are loving me, in their language. it was my interpretation of their love that was off kilter.
when my mum comes up to stay with us, like she is now, i let her hang the washing out and do things. because i know it is her way of expressing love. i recognize the language she speaks now.
funnily, my husband is service too. if i make him a coffee he feels loved. and there are so many things he does for me, and around home, or even last night how he parked his that show me he loves me.
me, if someone compliments me or shows appreciation using words, that is my language. i often say i can live off a good compliment or encouragement for a week. and i so can! i think i’m doubling strengthened in using this gift as my primary motivational gift is encouragement – so i love to use my words to show love and to bring encouragement to people so that they live their best life and fulfil their call of God.
the 5 love languages are a great way to understand ourselves and others in our life. it teaches us how to communicate better, how to express love better. it makes us more self aware on peoples differences, not so we can label them as different, but so we can connect better. the 5 love languages website (see link below) has a great assessment tool so you can discover how you’re wired…
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.